Host a Party, Enjoy it too

Ep 1: Ask Maddy Anything... lessons from cooking for 17 gals on my best friend's bachelorette

A few weekends ago I attended my best friend’s bachelorette party in the Hamptons. The final night of the weekend I also cheffed up dinner for all 17 of us (yes I volunteered and yes I really really wanted to do this). I posted all about it across many instagram stories and received a few messages echoing the same sentiment as below:

which brings me to answering the following question:

How can you chef for your friends and actually have fun?

It’s funny. It took me awhile to figure out why cooking for my friends sometimes felt more difficult than cooking for clients.

When cooking for clients my role is clear: I am in the kitchen working fastidiously to create the best meal I can. Maybe I give a smile or a nod or a simple ‘how are you’ to the guests. But I am meant to be zoned in with my full attention on executing the meal.

When I became a full-time private chef I assumed that hosting my friends for dinner parties would feel infinitely easier. I was becoming a seasoned expert, after all. But when hosting friends, you’re actually not meant to be holed up in the kitchen the entire time. And more importantly, you’re not supposed to be stressed. Your friends can tell and it’s not fun for them or you!

Two years ago, cooking at my friend’s bachelorette would have looked a lot differently. I probably would have insisted on cheffing a menu that I considered ‘challenging’ to prove that I could do it. I probably would have insisted on making everything homemade from appetizer to dessert, because I knew how to make all that stuff, so I should. And I probably would have been stressed about executing the whole day, hyper fixating on what I had to do next, not at all enjoying the actual party that I was supposed to be a part of. What a joy I would have been to be around! (not) How depressing!

When I received the message above, I sat down to think about why this past weekend felt infinitely easier than past, much smaller (!) dinner parties I’ve hosted for my friends. I’ll unpack all my thoughts below, but I think the key is to embrace the art of the low-mental-load party. It’s about being smart with your time and letting go of the need to do absolutely everything from scratch. It’s about asking for help and then actually allowing people to help. and it’s about truly embracing Ina’s ‘store bought is fine’ mentality.

Here are my notes for cooking and hosting without missing out on the fun.